i feel so different today. I had been dreaming to have a girlfriend but i might be a step closer today. Sadly, any enterprise that begins with me making the first step would only ends in my hall of shame. This time its going to be different. Iwill be still, unmoved, stationary, static, you name it. Bottom line, i am not moving. Well, to be honest, this is the posture that i'd been very comfortable with anyway. Dynamism in pursuit especially in a relationship always turns in my utter demise. A girl, a new member in the gym, unfamiliar face. She looked at me profusely, refusing to detach her sight from me. In Indonesia or mostly in Asian culture, my admission is hugely self promotional. I would be conjured as somebody who went too far with his imagination. Yes, may that be the case, i took great relish in her uninterrupted sight. Of course, even this ends catastrophically. My lips tight as a closed gate, my eyes penetrated with such appeal constantly seek distraction but my heart, my oh my, naked as if the sword had dismantled my outfit. God, this is true. This is not love, this is an obsession indulged by instrumental beauty. I dont know what that means, but surely i need to do some soul searching before i can even blink to explain that.